Then There is This
So, I feel a little more human this morning. I decided to look at my artist resume and realized....this is when I was happiest and you know what....most of this stuff I did for free because it brought joy and opportunity to myself and to others. I did this stuff because it felt like my calling, it felt like the stuff I was supposed to do, I remember the times in life where I created at will and the way I look at it and back on it seems like LOVE IS THE ANSWER because off and on the past couple year2 I've been part of running someone else's business who seems to go out of his way to make a point of not appreciating his staff and all that we do even though he signs his emails "with gratitude"......and you can write that you all want but gratitude is a feeling of appreciation, not some words at the bottom of an email to make yourself feel better about whatever shenanigans one might be pulling that day.
2-3 years ago I was on creative fire. I'd worked hard to minimize life to push forward defining a market for my photography. I was writing toward publishing a book, I was making mixed media works, grocery shopping, cooking meals, keeping house, and a plethora of other things bringing and sharing happiness in life and it was A LOT but it all came together effortlessly!
So I'm slowly processing what the next best thing is for me. I don't like to make decisions when I'm really exhausted and frankly, I have been lately and I can't fix it if I don't express it and that IS a positive thing! Because I care about GUEST EXPERIENCE which in my opinion, should be a top priority in the hospitality business and the owner of the business clearly doesn't. Another business owner who has heard me state things I would do differently if I owned the business I am presently part of running, has approached me and offered me an opportunity that frankly, I am also not sure I want but will be looking in to because he seems to care about what he's doing and takes interest in what is going on. He even took another suggestion I made which could make one of his other assets become more profitable. It felt nice to be appreciated for my brain.
Communication is positive even if it can be uncomfortable but its more uncomfortable not giving an opportunity to gain clarity and build better days! Trust me, someone I loved very very much, who I shared life with, who made me smile just by walking in the door, shut me out and went to a group of men who knew nothing of our day to day life and took all their suggestions including shutting off communication instead of just talking to me so it could perhaps be fixed. Guess what...It really, really sucked. It sucked in so many ways, it was so awful watching him seem so sad when he'd seemed pretty content and happy before taking the advice of others. And you know what, eventually I just had to say....I can't fix this...not by myself......kind of like the job I have now......and I am also grateful I am not alone in this and notice a trend in a lot of women saying ENOUGH with dumping all the emotional everything on us. We are pretty amazing and we think a lot of men are too otherwise we wouldn't be with you in the first place.
So there's big emotional dumping of this and that in no particular order and that's step one in returning to my true self......because for me part of the thesis of my artistry is to remind us that we are not super heroes, nor to we have to be....WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS.