The Stressful Thing
So I last wrote here on May 23, I've been doing stuff on patreon and other social media to work on my advertising because really, really its time for me. Its time for me to be able to build my career, my life, my own stability, my own version of my better life and not have to live in fear of being bullied, and screamed at, threatened and abused on the j o b.
You know, I think that's a thing that women want that we don't talk about, because you know, when we do, we're told we are imagining it, or its not that bad, but let me tell you what sometimes it is. Sometimes its horrible, and scary and comes with long term scarring.
I spoke to a friend last week who worked for someone for a number of years who used to scream at her on a regular basis, call her names and try to scare and intimidate her, usually because revenue was low. Finally she left the job and found one working with women. She shared with me that she doesn't think for she could ever work for a man again and that anytime a man comes in and seems even remotely irritable or looks at her the wrong way she gets really nervous inside.
I mean it really sucks to always feel like you have to have your guard up because someone might come in and blow up all over you and possibly physically hurt us or worse, in the process. I mean this video right here is a guest screaming at me at my job, all because he just wanted to check out on his own.
One of my life long friends was recently viciously assaulted, in a battle that went on for over an hour, which led up and down the stairs, into the kitchen WITH her autistic twins in the home. There's a black mark by the door where he threw her down and kicked and got the wall before she got thrown out the back door. His mother, her mother in law, finally pulled him off her in the back yard and she was able to text her 21 year old son who was just up the street, I NEED HELP. He called 911 and headed to the house. The soon to be ex husband was arrested, a very thorough police report was made, which included notations about dirt and leaves in her hair and markings on her throat. The asshole who did it is in jail for Assault by Strangulation.
Meanwhile everyday, my friend is scared that somethings going to happen and he will end up back at the door. She's had to take vacation time from work and we are working on a plan to get her some extra income to get her ahead so while she's dealing with becoming a single mother, having been brutally assaulted, realizing it affects her children emotionally also, figuring out how to get them to school and still get to work on time, because guess what, she might get yelled at there too. Doing all the shopping, kids lunches, snacks, medicines, showers, I'm helping with the housekeeping and wrangling of the children.
Me, I'm just asking a guy I used to work for to pay me the hours owed. The amount is less than $1000 total counting the paycheck never gave me last year when I left for summer after the straw that finally broke the camels back was him coming into the office and screaming at me around 7-730 ish pm on May 18, 2018 (Read More Here)
Prior to that moment I had met him once only briefly but for whatever reason had apparently formed himself a very negative opinion of me. That's ok, He's entitled to have his own beliefs, but you know. So am I. I'm glad I posted it, because I really needed a hug and I also felt it was important to put out there in this world because sometimes it seems like no one believes women when they are being treated badly and I think as a society that is something we could really improve upon and make it easier for any human being to say, hey, I just can't do this anymore, its way too much. I am worthy to be treated with kindness and respect and be around people who genuinely care about me not treat me as less than.
What set his tirade off? I was attempting to have an employer to employee business style conversation while being completely unaware about the explosive nature of the person I was talking to about the business and some of the things that I felt, as someone who was there, day in and day out, observing and fielding complaints, could be changed and improved upon. One of them being another staff member. that as difficult as it is to say, I felt was affecting his business negatively. It wasn't personal, I just felt she wasn't mature enough or mentally there enough to be in charge of a place that housed up to 40 some people.
I left. I went to Maine, where I have family and friends to recharge for a bit and help my son get himself settled because he decided that he wanted to try living there for a while, frankly because he was pretty burned out on the stresses that can be south Florida and standing by his mother at her job.
Fast forward to November 11, 2018. I had returned from summer hiatus taken in part, to recover from working for 9 months in a place that at times felt like a war zone. The former office manager was no longer there and I was excited to work with the new office manager who had worked there previously also. I felt like we were better able to work together for the sake of the business did a pretty darn good job of working together, improving conditions and was happy to cover co workers vacations.
We had pretty much zero problems until once again I got screamed at on May 15th 2019 for inquiring about when the paychecks due on May 10th would be paid direct deposit.
Dude, I don't have to hate you, I just don't understand why you have to hate me so much. I'd just like the money due and to never ever have to look at you or your business ever again. I'd be able to pay if forward, throw a little cash in my friends pocket, who needs it a lot right now, get myself some flyers printed and get on with marketing and running my own business and maybe have some more time to focus on my passion of making art to be of service.
See I'm not trying to be rich or famous, I'm just trying to do what I do, spread some love, compassion, make a little art and build my income up to $1000 bucks a month preferably through my Imagekind Liquid Light Gallery.
I've been living on just about that since I returned to work for you so its no big deal. I am not ashamed of myself at all. I actually feel quiet successful and proud of myself for having an idea and sticking to it to better my own life with my own unique abilities. Its totally ok if you disagree, that just tells me we see things very differently, have different ideas of what success is, and how to measure it. I'm grateful for my friends, my family and all the human beings who love me exactly the way I am.and believe in me. If you don't agree, I don't care, I'd just like my paycheck so I can go to the grocery store, get a few things, a help my friend out a little more while we figure out our lives together, because that's what friends do.
I'd love to have more time to work on the Letters Never Sent/I Love Myself Project giving women a voice and an outlet to express themselves which has been inspired by seeing many amazing women cut down so hard they don't even see how amazing they are themselves anymore. We need to lift each other up!
So, anyway. I guess I'll stop there for today.