Random Conversation with Myself:
Lately I've been attempting to not think so much and feel things out. There's been much input, some I would have preferred not to have received, but then I supposed I put my unwanted two cents in occassionally myself.
I prefer to contemplate the world in vibrations as in what FEELS right....for me and those closely affected by me actions and feelings.
There are many opportunites infront of me and encouragements from this one and that one about them all.
So I sit back, be still, and walk away from all the other voices, even of encouragement, and ask.....HOW DO I FEEL? What do I SEE AND WANT FOR ME and My Future.
What benefit might those who want me to stay where I am recieve by me staying?
What if any, is the benefit to me?
Is that benefit worth the amount of frustrations channeled my way that if I was in a different employment situation would more than likely not happen nearly as often?
NOTE: ** I originally started writing this on February 26 and came back to work on it some more today***
Why am I not jumping out of bed feeling happy and inspired?
Why am I not getting out and enjoying activities?
Is it too much of my energy consumed dealing with problems of the emotional and personal variety that aren't really mine but people dump on me at my job?
This might surprise you but to draw boundaries I have, on more than one occassion, told such people " I am sorry, I am not a therapist, I am not qualified to deal with this and it is not my job". to deflect the dumping that was definately part of what was draining me. Also, we have elimanated some of the worst offenders off the guest list. Its made a difference and other longer term guests have shared they feel the benefit and more free to enjoy our outdoor emenities.
I have started literally getting up and walking off when people are bitching to just to hear themselves speak.
We all vent, myself included, there is a difference between moments of frustration and making others miserable just because you are.
Misery does not love company, its glluttoneously feeds upon it, and makes love all but invisible and unreachable.