Well...yesterday afternoon I was verbally attacked by the owner of the #business I no longer work for and oddly right now its occurred to me that possibly there are a couple types of white male privilege.
Some men know they have it and make efforts to understand and not take advantage. Some men don't know they have it because they are genuinely kind human beings disinterested in power struggles. Then there are the men who know they have it and use it to bully others.
Its given me a great deal of things to consider and added a few things to my to do list but fortunately my to do list is flexible.
The thing that set him off was me walking up to talk to him about having stayed in empty apartment 2 over the weekend and asking when we were getting our direct depost that was due on May 9th or 10th, which I factored in when buying my daughters plane ticket to visit.
I'd have preferred a more civil conversation and to make an arrangement what happened next was he decided to scream at me, fuck you me, call me a thief, tell me I have no integrity, stuck his finger in my face, when I told him to back up he was in my personal space, I was informed it was his space. He was standing between me and the door..the only exit. There was some sort of screaming about seeing my and my hair up and its colors.
In the course of his tirade he made it clear he had a tower or something and employees and asked me if I wanted to come see and meet his family, my assumiption being to see how spectacular he perceives himself as livng. Like give me a fucking break dude. Trust me, I do not aspire to be anything like you.
I heard about how it was the payroll companies fault and how all the other employees stay cause they always get paid, all at the top of his lungs and finger in my face of course. I was reminded that I offered him $500 to rent a private room for the month of May, a request I exceptionally reluctantly made but not expecting anything for free offered anyway, because the place I'd been renting space in since the previous November became unavailable due to some potentially very expensive plumbing problems. Of course the $500 wasn't enough.
I was told I was probably on drugs like everyone else he's had to deal with which is pretty much total bullshit because not once ever did I see this person deal with anyone on drugs.
It's the women behind the desk who handle the people who do drugs, who call the cops to get them thrown out. Its the women behind the desk who on occassion get screamed at and abused, who are completely aware that sitting there alone could put them in a very vulnerable position. Its the women who do the marketing, the advertising, the social media, who write and run the ads, its the women who have to look at someone who's struggling to find work and throw them out on the streets. Its the women who keep track of what needs to be cleaned and make it happen, Its the women who deal with a huge variety of issues and do their best to bring to the attention of the financially responsible person of things that need to be fixed and handled to improve the conditions and compete effectively in the market.
Anyway....all that being said........
Through it all somehow I kept my compusure and stood my ground and even offered to show him the text messages from the day before between my friend and I with plans to pick me up and take me home a and lo an behold just as I had planned the day before my friend was already on her way to pick me up because I didn't even want to be there at all. Its just hard to get around when you are down to zero money because your paycheck has not been recieved.
There's no shame in living paycheck to paycheck, infact at times I find it exceptionally admirable in the way human beings handle it. I'm just a tad sick and tired of taking the blame for doing everything with in my capacity to improve my own life including sprucing up the rooms at the business and graciously putting up my own artwork in response to the customer reviews the owner clearly doesn't give a shit about.
I was there because that place had a special place in my heart, I was there because I believed in the concept of being a hostel, I was there because I felt it match my skill set immensely especially in improving guest relations which adds up to guest retention which adds up to more money in the pocket. I was there because of the other human beings that worked there. I was happy to cover for vacations and be flexible with schedules. I was there as I found it interesting to work in an environment that is meant to accomodate international travelers and took measures to inspire them to come back by looking at the reviews and solving the problems they complained about.
Don't even get me started about the fact that my daughter was visiting and how mortified as a mother I felt that I couldn't afford to take her anywhere. Regardless of how ok she said she is with it, I wasn't. I was internally horrified. I had wished I had taken her up to the other town where I am living now since the house where I was renting space became unavailable to a plumbing situation, yet another situation from which I had zero control, nor would I try to, as when I moved in I was quite aware and comfortable with it being a week to week arrangement.
The following was not said outloud and offered as after thoughts because lets face it, when the adrenaline is pumping our brains and thought processes are instantly interfered with and redirected to be sure we are not in imminent danger of injury or loss of life.
NOPE!, that was the girls in the office not you buddy, and my son who was around last year volunteering as fucking security since hiring someone to protect your #investment was out of the question. As was hiring a pest control company. So in closing shall I say I am absolutely thrilled to no longer be associated with the #building but there some absolutely amazing #human beings working and living there keeping you in your #lavish life style. I don't give a shit about your porche, fancy house or whatever it is that makes you think your better than me. I care about human beings and it seems clearly you do not or you'd have fixed your place up and made it more profitable.
I'm not defending myself, I'm making it abundantly clear that I am well aware that a variety of perspectives exist and I am free to have my own thoughts and feelings on the subject.
Peace. I feel so much better having written this.